As a subscriber to my blogs you know by now my mind rarely takes a break to shut itself down. There is always, always, always a steady supply of material flowing through these authorship veins keeping the rest of me fully charged and ready to go. Lately, so much time at my disposal has worked uniquely into a daily routine. With each freshly brewed cup of coffee comes an incredible array of sentiments. It is almost as though one may not exist without the other. I definitely need my coffee, but the tan and teal colored, round, big-loop-handled-cup rarely hits my lips without becoming a thought trigger. From first thing in the morning, and then throughout the day…it’s on.
Wonderfully fulfilling it is to sit on a comfy couch each day and bang away at my keys, and then sit on my drum throne at night and bang away at the skins. Both provide the same comfort to me and are instant in their reciprocation. I use them semi-equally to breathe, practice grounding, and reset.
Lately, I cannot seem to get the concept of my position in life, to break free from the bedlam going on in this fully charged racing mind. More specifically here… should I be content on where my life-journey has brought me? Was I meant to be doing to this all along and never realized it until now? Did fate have this gift planned for me from birth? I will never know these answers, but this ongoing flow of contemplation is how it seems to be right now.
Like everyone, when you are on a mandatory stay at home order and quarantined the same way the entire world has been lately, there are certainly no shortages of time to consider where you fit in this gift of life. I’m not talking simply your place at the moment; I’m talking about how you are managing in it. It is a massive concept to toss out there, but I wonder how many people are doing the same right now. My guess; more than any of us might want to willingly admit, we have thought about this same type of stuff on more than one occasion lately.
Are we all supposed to pause at some time and simply think about our existence? To ponder what we have seen, accomplished, shared, endured, and have been blessed to experience in this thing we call life. At times I feel so fulfilled and rich by the teachings of my journey. Whilst the next day, I petition for more. More out of life, more out of the time left here, and strive for more to give-back. I’m half a century old, some days I feel as though I need to get moving! Like the bunny in Alice in Wonderland once stated; “ No time to say ‘hello, goodbye,’ I’m late, I’m late, I’m late! ”
When you ask yourself what the greatest accomplishment is in yours’ (aside from having children), does an answer come instantly to you? Ready to be volunteered to any random listener. Perhaps if we performed this exercise at the beginning of the new decade on our birthday, the answer would be different every ten years. Maybe it is meant to be. Maybe our life-journey is constantly supposed to play out over time, adding more nourishment to each and every already experienced moment. For me, the answer to the question is readily available. At least I think it is until I consider it fully. Then I pause and wonder if it is the right one for my age. Have too much time on my hands these days…I must.
On stage I speak about life being a series of images and flashbacks, we recall them as frequently or infrequently as we choose. The more painful ones remain as vivid in clarity as to the glorious ones. In my mind, neither of them ever seem to fade in the least. I have learned much from both of these sets of memories, it is almost as though life has designed this weird sort of counterbalance. You cannot relive one without being reminded of the other, regardless of how painfully long or how wonderfully short they might be. Without any of them, there is no life. So, in this thought process, we should be thankful for each and every story, memory, learning, and heartbreak. We hope for another tomorrow and a chance to add more content. Only God knows each timetable.
Our missteps should also be considered. None of us are perfect, we are all flawed in some way. Does it make sense for each of us to consider during all of this downtime, some of these life-mistakes, errors, and blunders too? Should we reckon by making amends, seeking common ground with others, or offering up forgiveness and apologies. Only you have your answers.
Changes are due, and they are coming for me. I have used my time to determine at least that much. Funny, it takes a global pandemic for us to be forced into remaining home and thus, hopefully reconciling with ourselves to take on some fresh approaches as we eventually venture back out to coexist with one another in the near future. Does fate have a master plan after all?
I know all of this freedom to ponder has allowed most of it all to remain at the forefront of my head. Uniquely, this forced break from the real world has been almost refreshing. It has been satisfying to actually be reminded once again, it’s time to stop and compartmentalize who I am.
So far, it has been enriching too. There are days I feel like a student again, learning new lessons. Ask me for my thoughts next month, the answers may differ. For now, this momentary life-break has been a welcome reset. Take a walk, take a breath, take a moment, and be honest with yourself.
Instead of Netflix tonight, pop some buttered corn and then watch your own life move in full color and splendor. Upon its’ conclusion, be a movie critic and write up a detailed review outlined with constructive feedback both positive and negative.
From there, it is time to create a sequel. The first act begins tomorrow.
As for me, this coffee cup needs a refill.